Despre nimic

Asa cum i-am spus prietenei mele (initial fiind ironic) am sa scriu ceva despre nimic. Logic si normal ar fi sa reformulez si sa scriu "nimic despre nimic", sau eventual sa nu scriu nimic, dar asta ar fi o contradictie, m-as afla in imposibilitatea de a scrie daca as pune in aplicare aceasta regula, nimicul asta trebuie sa aiba o forma. Si iata-ma in fata unei mari dileme existentiale: cum si mai ales ce sa scriu despre nimic? E prea abstract sa ii dau o forma, dar o sa incerc, totusi, din strafunful mintii mele geniale sa formulez un principiu nascut din nimic, sau un postulat bazat pe experienta, pentru ca, nu-i asa, in acest mod s-au nascut mari teorii care au explicat fenomene aparent inexplicabile (mai ales in fizica, tot invatam eu la fizica).

Am cautat in dex cuvantul nimic si desi m-as fi asteptat sa nu gaseasca nimic, totusi a gasit ceva, deci nimicul este intr-adevar ceva. Ghici ce am descoperit? Nu exista o explicatie concreta a cuvantului in sine. Il definesc doar cu ajutorul sinonimelor si folosirii lui in sintagme. Deja devine interesant. Foarte ciudata notiunea asta de nimic. Un mod de a-i gasi insemnatatea ar fi sa privim dincolo de cuvantul in sine, pentru ca nu literele fac cuvantul. Hai sa ne gandim la nimic ca la o gaura neagra, gaura neagra absoarbe totul si il transforma in...nimic. Ar fi plauzibil, dar nu, nu e bine, gaura neagra s-a format dintr-o stea, deci la inceput a fost ceva. Atunci hai sa ne imaginam nimicul ca un balon de sticla vidat, daca in balonul ala nu e aer de niciun fel, atunci inseamna ca se gaseste nimic. Dar cum "se gaseste" ca daca se gaseste inseamna ca e ceva, deci iar nu e bine. O biserica din Ploiesti are o inscriptie in curte "Nihil sine Deo" ceea ce ar insemna "Nimic fara Dumnezeu". Deci daca e Dumnezeu, e ceva, daca nu e Dumnezeu e nimic. Interesanta abordare, pentru niste persoane religioase ma refer, pentru mine nu inseamna nimic. Opa! Nimic am spus, iar am ajuns la nimic, fac ce fac si tot nimic fac. Fir-ar ale naibii de contradictii!

Ok, ma calmez, e timpul pentru o alta abordare. Chestia e ca gandesc pe masura ce scriu, dar momentan nu imi vine nimic in minte in legatura cu aceasta abordare. [...] Tu nu ai cum sa iti dai seama, dar pentru cateva secunde am avut o lipsa de idei, capul meu a fost plin de nimic. Dar nu, nu plin, ca atunci nimicul iar ar fi ceva...capul meu a fost gol, da, gol, nu am reusit sa gandesc. [..] [..] [..] Iar, la naiba! E greu sa te gandesti la nimic, sau sa nu te gandesti la ceva, sau sa nu te gandesti la nimic deci sa te gandesti la ceva. Of, limba asta romana e prea complicata, hai sa incercam cu engleza.

So where were we? Ah, yes, nothing. Can i think about nothing? No i can't, because that would mean to think about something, therefore contradicting with the basic meaning of the word nothing. So i won't think about nothing, i'll think about something else. Puppies for example. Aren't puppies cute? Everybody loves puppies, they are small, and fluffy and they lick you...puppies. Cute puppies. Ok this is boring. Nothing, no thing, not a thing, you have something and it disappears and you end up with nothing. So you still have something, you have nothing, you have the word, you have the notion. Probably we should invent something else to replace nothing because from where i stand, the word nothing is really something, it doesn't do it's job properly.

Sa revenim la romana, deci ce am invatat pana acum? Ca nimic e ceva, ca daca te gandesti la nimic te gandesti, totusi, la ceva, ca am incercat sa scriu nimic, dar am scris totusi ceva. N-am facut nimic...hmm...n-am facut nimic. EVRIKA! N-am facut nimic, ha haaa! Asta a fost si intentia, nu? Ia uita-te inapoi pe ce am scris. Ce am scris? Nimic. Pur si simplu nimic, am insirat niste cuvinte care se legau intre ele, te-am facut sa crezi ca la sfarsitul acestei scrieri o sa descoperi ceva, dar ce ai descoperit? Nimic, ai descoperit ce inseamna nimicul. Dar stai, tot ai descoperit ceva...ah la naiba, nu ma mai joc.

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The bubble story

There was once a boy, a normal boy, a happy boy, a boy who didn't know about fear, anger, disappointment, or any other of tose heart-tearing feelings. He had this bubble of his, protecting him from all it was bad and evil in this world. The bubble wouldn't let anything to go in, but also didn't let anything to go out. So we have this boy who couldn't express himself, who couldn't tell the world how he is feeling, who was unable to feel any sort of feeling. Nobody could understand him, not because he had speaking problems, but because the bubble kept in all his emotions. Try to imagine how it's like to be suffocated by your own feelings, to have and not being able to share.

So he sat there, lonely as always, hoping that one day someone would break that wall surrounding him. As days past he didn't loose hope, and he couldn't be angry or disappinted because he didn't know what those feelings were. One day he saw a girl, a beautiful girl, an angry girl, a disappointed girl, a heart-broken girl, a girl whose bubble apparently has been broken. He watched her walk, he heard her talk, he felt her near him even if she was miles away. He loved everything about her. He tried and tried to show her how much he loved her but the bubble didn't allow that.

As days past, the boy watched the girl walk, angry, disappointed, heart-broken, until one day when se noticed him. "I saw you watching me every day. What do you want?", the girl asked being more angry than usual. The boy didn't know what to say, so he said the only thing, the thing that went through his head a million times: "I love you". The girl didn't even blinked. "You don't love me, look at you, you're pathetic in that little bubble of yours, you don't even know what love is". The boy now really remained speecheless. He had a rush running through his veins but didn't know what it was. For the first time, something exterior has got to him, it was obvious that he was now experimenting new feelings and what he thought it was love, it was only the echo of his desperate need of affection reflected back by the bubble.

Finally pulling himself together, he asked the girl: "Why are you so angry all the time?". The girl replied: "I had a bubble once, just like yours, it was a beautiful bubble, i was happy, but i felt it was not enough, i wanted more and because i loved a boy, i decided that the only way my love for him will truly be revealed is by breaking the bubble and letting all my emotions run free. So i did, i broke the bubble, i felt the rush, i loved the boy, he loved me back and we created our own bubble, filled by our love for each other. So there we were, certain that nothing could hurt us, happy, in love, until one day when we woke up in separate bubbles, looking at each other but not knowing what to do. Turns out i was trapped in my bubble with his emotions and he was trapped in his bubble with my emotions. We eventually realised what we really felt for each other and it definitively wasn't love. When we broke our bubbles we looked at each other and walked away, as if nothing ever happened. How coud this be, we were certain that we were in love but the bubble showed otherwise. So here i am, alone, angry, disappointed, trying to make you realise that all you feel is a lie." (to be continued)

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